Just happy

Just feeling happy and content with what I have done and may do:)

Strength

I am finding my strength of what i can do and can't do! Right now realizing what  I can do!!! And hat is a lot!!! Damn it!

A maybe

Let's see where this journey takes us.

Being lead in direction

So exited and happy! I am beginning to be lead in a good direction the universe is taking me to a direction. Good or bumpy here we go!thanks for grounding me! It was good to feel u mom.

Better

Doing much better! I can breath a little better now! This was a hard one to get though. Staying ground is hard and staying whole while still wanting ace is challenging butiguess I can feel know that some day he or she will be with us and the journey of parenting a and sibliness begin!

Breath

I take one breath in and out for my family. It is going to be a great day!

Realize

Ok well I have realized that my heart aches because I cover it to protect myself and I can choose to keep it open. I am going think about this. Had a really fun time wih friends yesterday. So grateful for my friends and woodland. Today my friend shines gold. I can see the light change as the sun rises.

Good day

Yesterday I had a really great day! I settled into body and soul and lived for now and it felt amazing. I was with my son and he just filled my heart! After yoga I felt increadible strength . So greatful for this time. Now time for party prep. So greatful for CF valley friends!

Surrender

I have come to the conclusion that I can't. It isn't my destiny right now. Maybe years from now or never. Our mission right is adoption some where out is our child he. Or she is waiting for us and it is perfect. I have the for now and be here for my son.

Let it be

This pain is a big lesson in letting it be. Being here and breathing in life. Thank u for the painful lesson

A chance to feel whole

Here I sit in my beautiful backyard. How lucky and grateful I am to this sound a beauty in my back yard and indie our home is my incredible family. Feel whole

My River and Fears

You know it is interesting how your past can really mess you up. My anxiety, where does it come from. I think it steams from when I was you being left alone a lot. To be left alone to be strong, or did it steam from the fighting and craziness I witnessed when I was little the fighting, the death, how no one came to me when Carlos died or did I even expect anyone to. Did come from when I left to Colorado and no family was around but whetever no was around anyway but I searched for mates to be with any way so I wouldnt be alone. I always had boyfriends so I wasnt alone but maybe I needed to be. I know I am anxious and afraid of everything falling apart and I am tired of it and want it to let go of my soul and my body. I dont want the berden anymore. Please let me breath, please let my sigh when I need. Please mind let me soul breath to give me life and hope and to live here. Here is wonderful and bright. Really wonderful and bright.
My river provides me so much peace. thank the heavens for leading me to the peace and process

the river

 The river shimmered silver this morning. Today I can breath. I made some major break through. That my fear of starting a family comes from my horrifying experience of my family growing up. but I have reflect on the greatness of love, devotion and togetherness that we all had. I can grow my family and like the river bends, swirls and bobbles so to will our family. I am excited and so ready to grow my family. I am over joyed with finally coming to this point in my family and my life. Together we will grow and change. Let love, passion and forgiveness carry us together...

Dream

I had a dream that David gave me a book titled Can Live. I think that was the title. We rode bikes in my dream and Heather was there. The entire interconnection was interesting. We were all what seem to be a hospital or Clinic. Maybe the birth or abbvz. I am going to talk to David tonight about it tonight

Had a wonderful run this morning. It felt good to run out the anxieties and breath. I feel good now and can continue to LIVE!! I know I can.

Morning

Well, our trip to caves yesterday was exhausting but today is an easy nice morning. I made it to the back yard in hopes for a peaceful morning but a lass I had to search for Skye and I search for branches for my christmas crafts but I stole a moment to look out at the river with all it snow covered rocks and fallen trees and listen to the bird sing. (calming peace)

I look out our window and the snow is falling gracefully from the sky. I am going to try catch a photo. A pic from our front window:)
“My experience of life is that it is not divided up into genres; it’s a horrifying, romantic, tragic, comical, science-fiction cowboy detective novel. You know, with a bit of pornography if you're lucky.”Alan Moore

love our back yard

Today we woke up to snow. I walked out to our backyard alone without a dog or child. it was a little lonely but peaceful. The snow is so white and blue birds in the trees across the river. they flew down to take drinks from the river and high in the trees next to me I heard Nuthatch was pecking at the tree in a circle. We are so lucky to have this beautiful backyard.
Jameson just looked out the window and noticed the snow...